i never loved you like the saints do.
their love is quiet, clean, and stainless.
like a light coming straight from heaven.
mine was made of fire, ash, and smoke.
i loved you like a sinner.
my love for you was violent.
filthy. unrepentant.
you will see my knees; they have bruises from praying and
worshipping the altar of your body.
and yes, i have no repentance.
i have no desire to be forgiven.
each time I kneel before you,
i always find something greater and holier than mercy.
your name filled the space between my ribs.
your breath became my religion
if this is really the salvation that i’ve been looking for, then find me lost.
if this is redemption, condemn me once more.
damn me once more.
let me drown in you.
your fingers moved through mine as if they were a rosary
and i can count every touch as one of faith’s mysteries.
each time you touched me
i believed a little less in heaven
a little more in you.
our love was rising like smoke
an offering of sin
like a prayer breaking against the sky’s ceiling
your skin resembled a melting candle upon an altar
and yes, i burned in that flame.
until everything about me smelt like worship.
i have no more to give god
you took all of my prayers and placed them upon your body
and yes, every sigh is like a psalm, every kiss is like a confession.
when i kissed you,
oh, i could almost taste eternity,
it was bitter, beautiful, human.
so, again, let heaven turn its back on me.
let the angels close their eyes.
with each time i fall to my knees before you,
it was greater and holier than mercy
if cleanliness is holy,
then i will remain filthy.
if purity is peaceful,
then let me sin forever in your arms.
The Stillness Archive 